Discipline whilst promoting self-esteem

Be consistent

Stick to the consequences and, when the child knows you won’t give in, the problems will reduce.


Use choices & consequences

Give the child a choice about a consequence. Say, “Either you help tidy up now, or we wont go to the park today.”


State the “but”

“You want to play with the toy, but Tom is using it right now.”

This lets the child know that others have needs, too. It teaches perspective taking, and may lead the child to develop the ability to put himself in other people’s shoes. It will also gain you the child’s respect, for it shows you are fair.


Be clear about what behaviour you want

Rather than saying ‘Don’t run in the street’, say ‘Please keep by my side when we are in the street’. Saying what you want gives the child a clear idea on how to behave and is thus more likely to succeed.


Demonstrate the correct way to do something

After firmly stating what is not to be done, you can demonstrate how to do it. This sets firm limits, yet helps the child feel that you & them are a team, not enemies.


Show that you recognize and accept the reason the child is doing what, in your judgment, is the wrong thing

“You want to play with the toy but...” This validates the legitimacy of the child’s desires and illustrates that you are an understanding person.


Avoid accusation

Even with babies, communicate in respectful tones and words. This prevents a lowering of the child’s self-image and promotes their tendency to co-operate.


If children have enough language, help them express their feelings.

Help them think about alternatives and solutions to problems. “You feel angry because I won’t let you have sweets. I will let you choose a cracker or a pear. Which do you want?” This encourages characteristics we want to see emerge in children, such as awareness of feelings and reasonable assertiveness, and gives children tools for solving problems without unpleasant scenes.



Contact Handy Helpers Home Care Solutions to find more information about how we can assist with your childcare needs.


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